It’s official…

I’m a full-fledged yuppie.

Not by choice – but by necessity.  This weekend, we were forced to retire our beloved 4×4 Ford Explorer XLT in favor of a…it hurts to say it…a minivan.

We had to do it.  The family would no longer fit in the Explorer all at once unless either myself or my wife rode in the cargo area.  Functional, but less than comfortable…and probably to blame for my back problems lately.

Sounds dumb, but I was actually a bit sad to see the Explorer go.  Everything I know about vehicle maintenance (not a lot, but so far, enough) I’ve learned by little repairs on that thing here and there.  We bought it used and it’s been a part of our family for 7 years.  It’s seen us through snowstorms, law school, vacations, several inter-state moves, dozens of family trips, and countless days of errands and chores with relatively little trouble.  It very rarely required repair, and when it did it was usually something cheap if you did it yourself.  True, it had a few problems…the wipers tended to stop working when it rained and the stereo had to be coaxed into working.  But it was a good, dependable vehicle and part of the family for almost a decade and somehow, it fit me.  It just didn’t fit our family anymore.

Truth be told, I’d rather have traded in my little Civic for a minivan and kept the Explorer for myself – but our financial situation didn’t allow it.

In the end, we got a really great deal on the minivan.  2004 Ford Freestar.  It’s a V6, runs like a dream, new tires, brakes, & shocks.  Belts and hoses look good, and no signs of leaks anywhere.  We have a newer vehicle by 4 years, cut our odometer reading in half and kept our mpg about the same.  The internet data on this make and model is free from common complaints and the CarFax is clean.  Just a few little cosmetic things…a ding here and there and some scratches on the interior trim.  We should have it paid off by February (we didn’t like trading a free and clear title for a car payment, but it was unavoidable).  Most important, the whole family fits with room for the dog.

I’m pleased with our purchase overall – but I’ll my miss by Explorer.  And I hereby swear to all who read this blog that I WILL NOT drive my minivan like most people who own minivans do…oblivious to the world and apparently unsure of where I’m going.

Wow…I’m feeling bitter today.

BONUS: Click the links for even more fun…well…some are funny at least.

Maybe it’s the 4 conference calls I had today…maybe it’s the fact that my back has now been hurting for two weeks…but whatever it is, I’m feeling angry and bitter today so…

This post is dedicated to those who just need to shut-up, those who need to stop pretending and just be who they are, and those who need to branch out and become better.

Shut-up:

The Twilight series is not great literature.  I’m sure they’re enjoyable books, and that’s great.  Enjoyable and popular do not equal classic.  We should all have learned that in High School.  Same thing goes for most movies being produced lately.  To put it nicely, they’re not timeless classics.  Saying you liked, or even loved a pop culture book or movie is fine, but don’t compare them to real classics.  Don’t break down the themes and try to say that vampires, for example, are a metaphor for adulthood and that the story is really about how the adult world is simultaneously attractive, scary, and repulsive.  I promise you the screenwriters and even the author never had those thoughts.

Corporate leaders who say things like “leverage our strengths” and “next-gen appeal” usually don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.  If one more out of touch corporate exec tries to tell me how to relate to this next generation of law students my head will explode.  Twitter is NOT the answer.  Facebook is NOT the answer.  They might be part of the answer, but really, both are old news.  This generation is not swayed by traditional marketing tactics.  You just can’t reach them that way.  I don’t care how many PowerPoint slides you have.  By the way, even your use of PowerPoint tells me you’re out of touch.

Those predicting the end of the world or the coming revolution.  I spent some time on a long drive this week listening to two different political podcasts.  One was extreme right-wing conservative, the other was openly communist.  Here’s what I found interesting: both podcasts were saying the revolution is coming soon, and both were aimed at the disenfranchised middle and lower middle class in America.  Here is what I know to be fact: one group or another has been claiming the end is near or the revolution is imminent for centuries and that they’ve very rarely been even close to right.  It’s called manipulation.  We know it as using fear to persuade others.  Those guilty include the media, politicians, religious leaders, and many others.  Shut-up.  Real, lasting leadership doesn’t come from fear or guilt.  It comes from being someone people want to follow.  By the way, the communist podcast had much better music.

Stop Pretending and Just Be Who You Are:

I’m a wine lover.  I’m also a beer lover.  I make both.  I drink both.  I know both pretty well.  But I’m not a wine snob or a beer snob.  I’m just as likely to buy a bottle of 3 buck chuck or a 6 pack of Bud as I am to pick up a nice Pinot Noir or a microbrew.  Moreover, just because I usually choose to drink beer doesn’t mean people who prefer wine are somehow better or smarter than me.  If you’re going to critique wine for everyone at the table – know what the hell you’re talking about, because someone else at the table probably does (and it just might be the guy drinking the Bud from the bottle).  You can spot a fake by their tendency to cling to the vocabulary used by wine books and people on television who are tasting wine and trying to sound fancy.  Words like “nose” and “essence” are dead giveaways.  Another good hint is a person who will swirl the wine in the glass and then not smell it.  Folks, that’s WHY you swirl it.  It breaks the surface tension and allows the aromas to be released from the wine.  One more — someone who holds a white wine up to the light and gives it a discerning look and then says something inane like “beautiful color.”  It’s true that wine experts will hold wines up to the light – but it’s usually not to judge the color…and when they do judge the color, they’re not looking for beauty – they’re assessing whether the color fits the varietal of wine…a chardonnay, for example should be a deep golden color…not a pale yellow.  Usually, when they hold it up to the light, they’re looking for the presence of tannins on the surface…it’s a brownish tint to the very edge of the wine’s surface and it tells them things about the wine’s composition and its age.  Funny thing is – it only works for RED wines.  If you’re doing it with white wines, you’re probably faking it.  Oh and if one more puke at a company dinner tells me that the Chardonnay has a “buttery finish with hints of vanilla and pear” I WILL lose my shit.  It’s CHARDONNAY!  Of course it has a buttery finish and vanilla and pear undertones.  That’s like saying “this car has seats and a steering wheel…and maybe just a hint of an engine.”  People who know wine will tell it like they experience it.  Their descriptive vocabulary is limited only by their actual vocabulary, they are not confined to buzzwords.

Arm-chair survivalists and preppers.  Too many people spend time memorizing military terminology so they can sound hardcore.  If one more beer gutted, non-veteran blogger uses the term OPSEC in reference to the secrecy surrounding their preps I will scream.  E&E…same thing.  What, pray tell, are you planning to escape and evade from?  Folks, ask a vet and with few exceptions they will tell you that the military taught them VERY little about survival and what they did learn was usually limited to combat survival – which is a different animal than most other brands.  If you want to know survival and preparedness, watching an idiot eat bear shit on a TV show will not get you there.  You need to read.  You need to study.  But mostly, you need to DO.  I’m somewhat knowledgeable with survival and bushcraft and I’m a downright novice when it comes to disaster preparation – this despite the fact that I’ve been reading, studying, and do-ing for several years now.  I learn new stuff literally every day and I’ve long since realized that I will never stop learning.

Branch Out and Be Better:

If you’re a vegetarian, that’s fine.  Good for you.  You’ll probably live longer than I will and I would never ask you to defend your choice.  In fact, as a good host, if you’re a guest in my house for dinner I will make sure you have something to eat besides the side-dishes.  But for God’s sake – branch out a bit beyond pasta and cheese.  If you only knew how many vegetarians I’ve eaten with that don’t even know their vegetables!  It’s infuriating.  I’m a die-hard carnivore and know my veggies and shrooms.  I also know how to prepare them and which meats they taste good with.  I had lunch with a vegetarian not long ago and she complained about this “stuff” in her salad.  It was frisee.  Frisee is a kind of lettuce you can get at pretty much every grocery store.  It can be a bit better and usually gets paired with some sort of fruity vinaigrette as a result, but it’s not exactly exotic fare.  Branch out.  While I’m at it – why do some vegetarians buy meat substitutes?  If meat is so bad, why do you eat the pretend version?  You’re a vegetarian, eat VEGETABLES.

Political advocates – I don’t care what your political leaning is – independent, liberal, conservative, communist, facist, libertarian, socialist or anarchist.  You have a right to believe what you believe, I’ll fight for that right, and you are welcome to read this blog.  But whatever you are, make sure you know how you got to be that way AND why you choose to stay that way.  Learn the philosophy behind your political beliefs.  Experience life in other parts of the country or world.  Listen to viewpoints from outside your sphere of comfort.  Approach problems with an open mind.  Formulate your own opinions before you find out what your party’s line is.  Don’t believe something just because your parents did.  Gather information and make up your own mind.  That’s why you have one.  Some may not like that I say this, but if you don’t know the issues or anything about the candidates running – for God’s sake, DON’T VOTE.  Some say it’s your civic duty to vote.  I disagree.  It’s your civic duty to cast a vote you believe in and you shouldn’t be believing in things you don’t personally understand.  If you’re one of the people that votes straight party line in every election without even taking a minute to read about the issues, I’m talking to you.  One of the biggest tragedies of the U.S. Presidential electoral system is also one of its most redeeming qualities.  In the U.S. Presidential election, the popular vote means nothing.  The electoral college is what counts.  While it’s true that a system that negates the popular vote is subject to abuse, we must also realize that the system is designed the way it is to protect us from voters who don’t know the issues but vote anyway.  The mindless masses.  The sheeple.  And yes…the angry mob too.  For better or worse, there is no such mechanism to protect us on local or state issues – so either know the issues or don’t fucking vote.

This is as close to a Mayberry style rant as I get folks.  Hope you enjoyed it!

Green Deane is Teaching

Got a note from Green Deane this morning saying he will be teaching a foraging class in Melbourne, FL on November 29th at 9am.

He’s a great teacher.

Folks, if you are in Florida or within reasonable driving distance and have any interest in foraging or in wild edibles at all, Green Deane’s class is a MUST ATTEND. I had the amazing opportunity to spend a few hours with Deane while I was in Florida at a business conference and next to the birth of my daughter last month, it was the highlight of my year. Deane is a patient teacher and a walking encyclopedia of plant knowledge.

Class fee is ridiculously low at $20 per adult (kids are free).

Class will meet at 2500 Parkway Drive, Melbourne, FL 32935. If I were you I’d bring a camera and some writing materials. The great tragedy of my day with Deane is that I didn’t have the foresight to bring anything to record what we saw.

More info available at www.eattheweeds.com

What’s New

I’ve been hit with a double whamny of sorts. I now have what I’m convinced is bronchitis and a back that’s still in a lot of pain. My back kept me in bed most of last week, until Sunday when I couldn’t take it anymore.

The plan on Sunday was a quick shower and spend some time with the kids. Instead, I wound up snaking the tub drain, fixing the washing machine, and then building a debris hut in the backyard with the boys. I don’t believe in raking leaves, so the two oaks in the yard provided all of the insulation we needed. We only had enough sticks and downed branches on hand to do a hut sized for my 5 year old. I learned a lot in the process and so did my boys.

Yesterday, I made the mistake of thinking my back could handle a 2 hour drive without muscle relaxers or other meds. I paid dearly for that mistake. I’m just not there yet. I just wish I could answer the question ‘what did you do to your back?’ with something exciting. I wrestled a bear, saved a fat lady from a forest fire, or wrestled a fat lady in order to save a bear from a forest fire. But no – the truth is that I got up from a chair and noticed that my back was stiff. Then 3 hours later it was so much worse that I could hardly walk.

In other news, I built a new neck knife setup based on a Mora 860mg and I’ll be sharing details on that in the coming days (just waiting on the custom sheath to arrive).

Also, I drove by a bank yesterday afternoon and there were 3 cop cars with flashing lights and several unmarked sedans with federal plates. I noted the time and made a note to check it out online later. Sure enough, I missed seeing a bank robber running out of the bank by 5-10 mins. I guess I’m lucky. This gets added to my running tally of terrible things narrowly missed: two bank robberies, several (close to 10) horrific car accidents, and two bomb threats – and that’s just the things I know about. I apparently have a knack for showing up late to dangerous stuff. The first bank robbery I only missed by a minute. The tellers were still in a panic and the manager hadn’t even had time to lock the doors yet. I was carrying over 100k in bearer bonds as part of the daily deposit I made for the company I worked for as a runner. Had I not been reading the paper as I walked to the bank, I probably would have seen the robber on his way out. He was caught, in the building I worked in, about 5 mins before I got back to work. I had stopped for a coke on my way back.

So I guess the moral is, if you’re expecting me and I’m late, you had better look around for your own safety.

Sorry to ramble with even less focus than usual. I’ll blame the muscle relaxers.

In honor of the recently silent Green Deane: Toodles!

GEAR REVIEW: Swedish Army Trangia Cookset

It’s funny how things come full circle…or nearly so.

When I started my journey into bushcraft and self-reliance, I started by relying on military gear.  It’s what I know and I know I can trust it.

Then I found that much of the military gear I was relying upon could be replaced by lighter but just as durable civilian gear.  In some cases, the civilian gear far outshines the military issue stuff.  That made sense to me also – we were constantly reminded that military gear is gear made by the lowest bidder.

Cook sets though, proved to be a problem.  Probably because I was never issued a cook set.  To my knowledge the U.S. Army doesn’t use them.  Everything is MREs now.  For the average soldier, there is no need to cook.

But I needed something to cook with when I went out into the wilderness.  My first solution was an esbit stove and an army canteen cup.  That proved to be slow, inefficient, and too small.  Moreover, it could only boil water.  Anything else was just too difficult for it.

Since then, I’ve tried about 10 different pots – some of which I’ve mentioned on this blog.

Now, I’m back to a military piece of gear.  I don’t know how I missed it before, but recently I decided to purchase a Swedish Army Trangia Stove.  This thing is amazing.

I’ll get the downside out of the way first – it’s heavy.  That’s it.

On the up-side:

• It’s stainless steel, so it’s not leeching dangerous metals into my system.
• It’s hangable over the fire.
• It’s multi-fuel (alcohol, wood, or hang over fire).
• It’s a complete solution – cup, pot, fry pan, and stove.
• It has storage room for additional items like a spork and condiments.
• It’s basically bulletproof.
• It can be used to bake, boil, fry, roast, simmer, and as a double-boiler.
• I estimate a total burn time of 3 hours and 45 mins (45 mins on a full stove, and the fuel bottle holds 4 more refills).

I’m in love with this cookset.

Components include: stove, stand, big pot, little pot, and fuel bottle.

There are a lot of links and video demonstrations that can be found on YouTube by searching swedish trangia.  I don’t have pictures b/c it hurts to move at the moment (back is still out).

If you can find one of these sets, preferably the older non-aluminum ones, get it.  It’s a beautiful thing.

Veteran’s Day

I’ll keep this simple:

When a person becomes a member of the armed services, they take an oath at the processing station – they repeat the words, but in their minds they’re coming to realize that they are promising to sacrifice their blood, sweat, tears, hearts, minds, and even their lives in service to you – a person they don’t know – but they do it anyway.

Thank a vet today – thank them and mean it.

Prepper’s Guide to Pregnancy & Childbirth – Part IV – An Aside About Taking Care of Mama

Here are the dinners I cooked and served the week after our latest child was born to help my wife recuperate from the birth – I’ve attached pics where possible:

Baby was born on a Friday night (10/16), well after dinner – so the main meals started Saturday.

Saturday Dinner: This is the “welcome to the world” celebratory dinner for the baby…no pics of this one…I was preoccupied.  The meal consisted of four courses, served to her in bed.  1) an appetizer course of fruit, cheese, and Bruschetta w/ paper thin pear slices, sun dried tomato pesto, and manchego cheese, lightly browned; 2) a mixed green salad with dried cranberries and a raspberry vinaigrette; 3) rotisserie turkey breast served with a marsala cream sauce and roasted asparagus tossed in oil and balsamic vinegar; and 4) a slice of four-layer chocolate birthday cake from a local bakery with a big zero candle on top, complete with me and the kids singing happy birthday to our new arrival.  Dinner was accompanied by a lightly aged Beaujolais-Villages – one of our favorites.  If you don’t know already, beaujolais-villages is a red-wine that goes amazingly well with turkey.  Most people who only drink white wine will enjoy a beaujolais as well.  Plus, it’s really affordable.

Sunday Dinner: grilled chicken seasoned with turmeric and a rub of several other spices, served with ruby red jasmine rice, and spiced cauliflower fritters (aka Gobhi Pakode) on a bed of mixed greens.

Monday Dinner: Shepherd’s pie – made from ground chicken instead of beef (wife doesn’t eat red meat), followed up with a lime sorbet.

Tuesday Dinner: chicken & sweet potato soup and mini grilled turkey sandwiches served on sliced french bread.

Wednesday Dinner: Australian style beer battered fish & chips with fresh coleslaw and served with an organic peach wine.

Thursday Dinner: Spicy tortilla soup with fresh cilantro, served with chips and salsa (from the store).

Friday is always pizza and movie night at my house — nothing special there, so no pics.

Saturday Dinner: We went out to Cheeseburger in Paradise – currently our favorite restaurant.

I realize that’s a lot of soups, but I’m trying to make sure she has wholesome comfort food that’s easy to prepare for next week when I go back to work.  Besides, she loves soup and they’re all so different that it doesn’t seem repetitive.

I also made a soup called Cockaleekie (which is a barley, chicken & leek soup), but I didn’t take any pics and it wasn’t part of the first week’s meals.

Between all this and the vast amounts of food people brought over to stock our freezer (chili, yet more soup, casseroles, and homemade bread), it’s no wonder she loves having babies!

So I guess a word of caution is in order: Eating this way after the birth may result in a large family – in more ways than one.

Oh…my back!

Don’t know what I did, but my back is SCURREWED.  I can barely walk…although walking feels better than standing still.  Laying down feels least painful, but even that hurts.

I’m bed-ridden today and taking a day off of work to expose myself to spamthrax (H1N1) by visiting my doctor (who, by the way is also a chinese herbalist, chiropractor, and acupuncturist) to see if he can do for me what he did for my wife when she threw out her back awhile ago.  He had her up and feeling better in about an hour.  Doctor, however, is triple booked all day so despite my having an appointment at 2:30, I’ll likely be waiting around all day.  I’m bringing my oldest son with me so he can get help if my back seizes up in the parking lot.  THAT’s how bad it is.

When he saw my wife for her back problem, he did something called cupping that involved little candles and cups that created suction…she looked lilke a domino when he was done but her pain was basically gone.  Let’s hope it works for me.  If not, I still have meds from my last back episode a year ago.

First Ever Hunting Experience

Today, for the first time ever I went squirrel and rabbit hunting. I had a great time. We only saw 5 rabbits (all 5 from the car) and one squirrel during our hunt.

We took the squirrel. Drake has it in his freezer right now.

It was a beautiful day to be outside, and I learned a lot. It occurs to me that there aren’t many learning curves steeper than those for wilderness skills.

At any rate, I really enjoyed the whole experience and what a wonderful feeling to know that I would have put some meat on the table today (albeit very little).

Prepper’s Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth – Part III – Caring for Mama & Baby Postpartum

As a father – this is the easiest part.  You take care of mama and the other household members and she’ll take care of baby.  Taking care of mama sometimes means changing diapers and cleaning up spit-up.  It means sometimes holding the baby.  It may even mean cooking and doing laundry.  It’s a lot of work, but it’s easy because your role is well defined.  Works like this: Ask youself what needs to be done.  Then, compare the answer to that question with this sentence – “Feed the baby with my breast.”  If the two answers are not identical – then it’s your job.  Simple, right?

Let’s try one:  What needs to be done?  Someone needs to drink a beer.  Okay – does “someone needs to drink a beer” equal “Feed the baby with my breast” ?  No?  Then you have to do it.

One more: What needs to be done? Dinner.  Does dinner equal feed the baby with your breast? No.  You make dinner.

What kind of food does baby need? – None.  Mama will handle that.  Breastmilk is the best possible thing for baby.  Your only role here is not getting jealous.  No matter what you think or feel, there is an intended purpose for breasts and it is to supply babies with food.  They are not your playthings.

Diapers – disposable or cloth.  We use cloth.  From a prepper standpoint there is no other option.  We can buy all the cloth diapers we need for three years for about $600-$1200.  That doesn’t even cover the first year for disposables.  Storage room is minimal…takes a shelf.

Other things you’ll need – gentle shampoos, onesies and/or baby clothes…if you’re buying in advance think about seasonal weather…grandparents are famous for buying cute little shorts and t-shirts for babies born in November.  Silly.

Soft blankets.

We co-sleep, so we don’t even need a crib – but if you’d like a crib, get one.  If you drink or use drugs (including prescription ones) or if you are obese or have a disorder like narcolepsy, please don’t co-sleep.

If you breastfeed and co-sleep babies are easy.  They rarely cry or get collicky.

Now, if you’re about to flame me for co-sleeping, save it.  I know the arguments better than you do.  Bottom line: man has co-slept with babies for millenia.  When was the last time you rolled out of your bed in the middle of the night?  Exactly.  You’re equally likely to roll on top of a baby.

Now on to mama – what does mama need?  She needs you to check on her and make sure she’s okay.  She needs moral support.  She may need help or counseling with regard to nursing – there are specialists for that called Lactation Consultants – there is also La Leche League.

She’s likely to be bored and tired.  She needs your companionship.  She needs to REST.  You may have to force that one on her or she may love it.  She needs your companionship.  She needs food and water.  She needs to urinate regularly.

When the doctor or midwife follows up they’re going to seem oddly interested in bodily functions.  There’s good reason – they are indicators of overall health.  She’ll want to know if mama is peeing normally.  She’ll want to know how often the baby is peeing and/or pooing.

For the first day at least you’ll want to keep an absorbent pad under mama in bed.  She’ll be oozing blood.  The big perineal pads will catch most of it, but just in case…

Oh, one more tip: the first few baby poops will be black and tarry.  That’s normal.  They’re a pain to clean off of the baby UNLESS you put a little olive oil on baby’s butt.  I know it sounds silly, but this first poop is called meconium and it’s nasty and sticky.  The oil keeps it from sticking to the baby. 

Enjoy your baby!